I’m a member of Open Adoption Advocates on Google+. It’s a wonderful group comprised of many people interested in the effects of openness and closed adoptions on the parties involved, but most especially on the adoptee. About our group: “We believe that openness in adoption can bring benefits to all involved, and we’ll do what we can to evolve the closed-adoption mindset. This is a place to learn about the effects of both openness and closed-ness in adoption. This is not a place to seek an adoption match.”
Imagine our surprise when we got what was clearly an ad from an adoption agency called AdoptionsFirst. They have a Google+ profile. In research for this particular post, I went to their Google+ profile and did a quick scan. On my first impression, it just seems as one big ad. I’m uncertain whether they have an actual person and/or team managing their Google+ profile, but my guess is that it’s just part of the marketing team’s job to use as many social media outlets as possible to get the word out about their “services.”
Let’s talk a little about their “services,” shall we? Under the “Birth Mothers” tab, the headline: “Pregnant? With AdoptionsFirst, you will make the RIGHT choice.” I did not add the capitals for the word “right.” That is a direct capitalization quote from their website. The entitlement simply oozes off the page. To me, that says that if a woman gets pregnant and she doesn’t happen to be in their version of an ideal situation in which to raise a child, there is no question about the choice she should make. In fact, there is no choice in their eyes. She must choose adoption, and use their services so that they can continue to have at least the 90% success rate they brag about on their website. The following is a list of things that they arrange for each birth mother “free of charge”: Round trip airfare from anywhere in the US to Los Angeles, CA, airport pickup and transfer to your NEW HOME, tour of greater Los Angeles: Hollywood, Beverly Hills, Santa Monica and Malibu Beaches, and…Housing, Medical, Legal, Shopping, and other expenses (also directly quoted from their web site). When I read that list to Nick, he said that it was obvious to him that rich, entitled people fund that agency with their apparently enormous agency fees to get the baby they want. Further perusal of their website confirms this. “Our clientele is referral-based and you are not placed on a long waiting list. We limit our clientele to 50 families.”
50 families still seems like a lot to me, especially since, according to their site, all of their “birth mothers are carefully selected and screened.” I wonder what that selection and screening process entails, exactly. They mention on that same page that “The screening process requires information about medical and lifestyle history from both birth parents. When requested, we pre-screen our birth mothers for drug or alcohol use.” However, as their whole website screams “entitlement”, one might also assume as I have that the careful screening and selection process means that the expectant mother considering adoption is not waffling in her decision at all about adoption, especially since it is their “practice that a birth mother signs a consent and waiver 24-48 hours after the birth that irrevocably terminates her rights.” I realize that with such an important decision that it is important to not be severely waffling back and forth between placement and parenting. However to me, a woman who displays absolutely no doubts about her decision at all seems like she might be in heavy denial and not truly realize the enormity of her choice. I’m not saying that adoption is a horrible choice. I would never say that. But it is a truly and irrevocably life-changing decision, and I believe it is of utmost importance that a woman considering adoption be as aware as possible of the ways that her life will change after the birth and relinquishment of her child.
It is also up to absolutely no one to make a decision for any expectant mother except the expectant mother. Counseling her in the ways her life will change with either adoption or parenting, assisting her with accessing aid should she decide she wants to parent, providing a listening ear and an understanding shoulder; those are all ways in which one can provide help to an expectant mother. None of those choices listed leave room for coercing a mother out of her baby or making adoption seem so appealing that parenting doesn’t even get considered. I’ve heard stories of more than one birth mother that saw evidences of wealth in the parents she chose for her child, thought that there was no way she could provide anything close to those things for her child, relinquished, and now struggles with magnitudes of regret over her decision. Money is a powerful motivator. Money or lack thereof is often a reason for relinquishment, and I believe that AdoptionsFirst knows exactly what they are doing when they offer such resources: to push a pregnant woman into making an adoption decision.
The staff seems highly biased toward adoption as well. David and Linda Ellis, “Adoption Consultants”, seem to be the founders of the organization. A husband and wife team, they founded the Adoption Law Center. I could not find a website for that particular organization with their names attached, though I did not do much more than a cursory search. They’ve also experienced adoption on a personal level, since only three months after choosing adoption, their daughter Chelsea was born. According to the short biography on Linda, “While her fears were real to her, the adoption of Chelsea was essentially flawless.” I do find it interesting that the bios in the About Us section are much shorter if you start as an “adoptive parent” than as a “birth parent.” (The links I’ve provided previous to this are all from a start on their website as a “birth parent.”) In fact, I will copy and paste the bio of Stella Valdivia, the birth mom on staff, from both the adoptive parent portal and the birth mother portal.
From the adoptive parent portal:
After years of working alongside the lead attorney for the Adoption Law Center, Stella knew that she would dedicate her career to the adoption process. She has tremendous compassion for both adopting families and birth mothers. Stella is responsible for overseeing all aspects of the adoption process. Stella understands the importance of finding right adoptive parents. As a teenager, she found herself making a decision that has impacted her throughout her life, and she has used that experience to educate birth mothers during the difficult times throughout and after the adoption process.
After years of working alongside the lead attorney for the Adoption Law Center, Stella Valdivia knew that she would dedicate her career to the adoption process. She has tremendous compassion for both adopting families and birth mothers. Stella feels great joy as families’ lives are changed forever with the birth of a child. Stella has helped hundreds of couples fulfill their dreams.
Stella is responsible for overseeing all aspects of the adoption process. Adoptions First understands the importance of finding right adoptive parents. Stella works closely with birth mothers during the crucial decision-making process. Her ability to guide birth mothers comes from first hand experience. As a teenager, Stella found herself making a decision that has impacted her throughout her life. She has used that experience to educate birth mothers during the difficult times throughout and after the adoption process.
Stella is a devoted mother of three and enjoys the love and support of her husband. While her family comes first, they understand Mom’s passion for adoption. Stella will not rest until her adoptions become final. She firmly believes that a successful adoption is a new beginning for both the birth mother and the adopting parents.
I’m not certain what they think the extra information on all the staff will do for a “birth mother.” Maybe they’re trying to show an expecting mother considering adoption that adoption has been great for all involved and they’re all successful people now. It’s just a theory – I obviously cannot know what was in their thoughts when they set it up that way without asking them directly and assuming what they tell me is true. The other two listed staff in addition to the husband and wife team are an adoptee, whose listed feelings toward her birth mother and adoptive parents are “grateful” and “loving”, respectively, and the birth mother, who oversees all aspects of the adoption process. One person overseeing “all aspects” of the adoption process is clearly a conflict of interest, and as the owners of the agency are a lawyer and a paralegal, they should know that. I won’t even address the fact that all the people on staff having direct connections to adoption comes very close to a conflict of interest as well. I realize that people in all jobs must learn to separate their personal lives from their professional ones, but that the people with the highest impact in their jobs have a personal passion for and connection to what they do. I’m also aware that it is probably increasingly rare to find a person working in adoption that doesn’t have a personal connection to adoption. I think that I have a problem with it in this particular case because so much of their business focuses on unethical behaviors, whether they actually see the fact that their behavior is unethical or not.
I briefly considered writing a post in which I discussed some of the things this particular agency does without directly linking to their site as I don’t want to offer them any more site traffic, similar to what Lori did in her post about them yesterday. It is my hope that by using their name and providing links to their site that before someone becomes a “client,” either a hopeful adoptive parent or an expectant mother considering adoption, that they will Google AdoptionsFirst, my post will pop up, they will read it, and then perhaps change their mind about using their services in the first place. I strongly believe in the power of a negative review. If a business gets enough negative reviews, they will have to either change their business practices or be forced out of business because no one will use their services anymore.
